SIN DIVINE

(SIN DIVINE)

October 2006

ONLY THE BEGINNING

Popped another pill this chemical still has invaded my will. Fight the night in a cold sweat wake me up from this. When the bleeding stops will I be okay? Do I have enough tears to wash it all away. Burst a lung to escape air in revenge do you like the way you make me sound? In my mind running so far from you screaming with every step all these years I held myself lost in a memory. Two girls talking about their futures not knowing they were each others suture growing further apart your kiss was the first cut and with every caress the knife deepens this memory kills. Tears spill. Will it be enough to wash away the blood stains in my mind. The aftermath pain with only me to blame lesson learned about love lies are rusty razor blades. What a bloody riot, I lied and she kept so quiet and I cried a bloody riot but she kept so quiet.

(SIN DIVINE)

October 2006

ONLY THE BEGINNING

Frightened to fall asleep getting chased in my dreams spiral of stairs and a pool of blood snake and shark I save her every time but I always get eaten alive. They are chasing her they’re chasing me we meet up running together far away until the dream changes scheme to a nightmare scene Im chained against the wall naked and everyone is judging me the verdict takes you away

blood dripping from my eyes Id rather go blind then see what I see that’s you without me

frightened to awaken alone another day like every other day since you’ve been gone fighting on a spiral of stairs snake and shark the crossbreed of truth and fiction will make for famous diction I wont forget to mention the bloodshed ill clean up the mess I wouldn’t want to ruin your fancy lacy dress

(SIN DIVINE)

October 2006

ONLY THE BEGINNING

Turning to chemicals drown in your sorrows lost in the dream of today. Will you end up mindless what a waste of intellect she had potential but she smoked it all away nobody knew she was into ice her lies so concealed her eyes spoke truth believing every word herself.

The days blend into night the years pass by and your still sitting your mind so gone what is left is mesh loss of motor functions sitting in your own piss wallowing in regret how sad you are wondering why the girl left hysterical isn’t it how pathetic we can get.

Awake for so long my mind and body start to decay and I hallucinate instead of dream and the insanity is the only thing keeping me as I lay dead before life to recover from a broken heart and now im so lost in the dark curious as to what would of happened if I could have sobered up?

(SIN DIVINE)

October 2006

ONLY THE BEGINNING

The road to redemption is the length of your sins how much fun did you have? Can’t remember well times that by ten now your consequence awaits you in hell.

The devil is laughing as he dips your soul in chocolate that’s just how he likes. Serve it up cold the heat in this place consist of lust fill the beast with a gorgeous feast. Must lie to lover made another mistake on ecstasy last night. LSD makes me hallucinate and I make even more mistakes.

Losing love for the first time in my life. Telling so many lies the truth ceases to exist. Missing out on what you’ll never know. Started to chase her but forgot to run that’s how stoned I was. Watched her walk away as I popped another pill it seemed so surreal

I said you’ll be back they always come back but ten years have gone and she’s not here

(SIN DIVINE)

October 2006

ONLY THE BEGINNING

Im a street punk she’s a college girl we live in different worlds she will never understand me and I never claimed to know her. We come from the same place but took two different roads we met at the library some time ago I was there for the books she was there for the work I spoke to her my whole body shook I fell in love with just one look

I asked myself this question one day would I give up music for us to be and I knew I would and that scares me I would give up everything sacrifice my dream for something real but you’re not here you’re just a fantasy to help me deal but im fine now.

Did it work? Are you gone? It was all in my mind. Sabotage im on the run. Did you believe in all my lies you made me feel what I fear love so I had to take you down. Defense mechanism kicks in I end it before it ever begins. You cant love me I don’t let people in. Don’t be nice to me Id rather you be mean you didn’t have the guts to say what I needed to embrace the truth is self evident I ruined this on purpose. Time to face what I fear I want love.

(SIN DIVINE)

October 2006

ONLY THE BEGINNING

sometimes I would rather die than live my life nobody sees like I do nobody hears the voices that plague me everywhere I go I try to cloud my brain I drink to quiet them but they scream to me death is your only friend

Are you lost kid?

you seem lost can I help you come out of the darkness no one can see you let me help you Ill show you the way you’re not okay you’re lost kid come out of the darkness you are found in sound put your headphones on

(SIN DIVINE)

October 2006

ONLY THE BEGINNING

Psychosomatic inept analysis it brings me to my knees. Watch the downfall of man so obscene the American dream gleams while ignorance screams the children suffer this cycle of life has nothing to offer but delusions of grandeur.

Lines and needles these kids inject death life is too hard to bare this epidemic nightmare is paradise to kids in the night dancing to the beat as their minds and bodies get weak. Keep dancing.

Blowing off stress with a phat blunt tonight causing more strife as I smoke my life away and end up all alone like all the times before cus one thing I know for sure is drugs wont keep the girl it might attract the flock and you can have stock if you provide the lines but in time the chemicals will eat your insides.

The recreation in the night is the highlight for the living afterlife. Zombies makeup caked, black running from their eyes as their once beautiful disguise melts with the sunrise exposing the truth of glamour it only glitters in the darkness

(SIN DIVINE)

July 2010

ONLY THE BEGINNING

A meager smile what eager stagger. The pain disguised in your eyes is pretending none of this matters. You hide the truth with ease but in the dark alone your silence screams with the voices that plague the choices that made today and all of your pain. How dare you complain about your bleeding ulcer from your sinful behavior. Lying to yourself won't kill the pain and you cant hide forever.

(SIN DIVINE)

November 2008

ONLY THE BEGINNING

The stress of life is getting to me taking a seat picking up the only weapon I will ever need. This pen has always been my fight my words guide me my voice protects me I hear them say give up it’s a useless pipe dream the chances are one in a million just admit you’re like us you’re not lost you belong down here with the rest of us just another bum but I say fuck off you don’t know me no one does I haven’t even begun and be afraid when I say this is only the beginning cus I am one in a million and one day I will make the world listen.

Im never gonna give up so say what you want I don’t give a fuck I could use some help but Ill do it myself like everything else.

the closer I get the further away I feel for 28 years I’ve been told im nothing always lost in a daydream I go there cus im looking for something I want what’s mine I found a path in my mind I drew a line with every thought built a bridge with every song all I want is for everyone to sing along find a dream that is your own and hold on

(SIN DIVINE)

July 2010

ONLY THE BEGINNING

Im alone in waiting my heart suspending taking a break from her. Im in love hurting she took a knife and cut me. Im in hatred bleeding she moves on smiling forgetting thinking Im dead not knowing I am Death I take life. Fear is scared of me and maybe I forgot and maybe that’s my mistake I’ve been waiting for life to come I forgot I am death I take life get up and get out there. Did you cut me to remember? This scandalous nightmare am I prepared? Has it gotten worse I’ve been lost some time now. Tell me there is change if its all the same Id rather just stay in , sit with me create some change. Im tired of waiting I got better things to do. Im not waiting for change Im taking charge of things Im not waiting for life Death is so much better anyway. If you only knew paradise in Hell would you burn if I let you cut me deep? You want blood and I want death light the match lets torch this place.

(SIN DIVINE)

July 2010

ONLY THE BEGINNING

It took me a little longer I was gathering more. So prepared for the worst the best of life has arrived Im completely clueless Im not used to this. All I ever knew was darkness and now everything seems so bright I think I might have a chance I wasn’t sure if I could do this but I see now I have no choice this opportunity is my only way out of this.

Stand up and throw away your chair. its time to care. Turn off the tv and get some fresh air. There is a big world out there. All that pain you keep locked inside just sitting there dwelling on memories that don’t want to be remembered. All this tension you built is gonna collapse get up and run from your next relapse. It always comes back. How much can you accomplish before it does how long can you last without your next dosage you will never stop running from relapse

stand up and care there’s a big world out there you keep begging for love so love the world and care get up out of your chair

(SIN DIVINE)

July 2010

ONLY THE BEGINNING

I heard your distress call earlier. I was on my way to save the world but Id rather be your hero instead. On my way to the rescue baby rest your weary head. Sorry it took so long I wasn’t strong then I was still becoming who I am I think I finally understand all Ill ever be is yours. I try to fight this feeling we try to fight one another all it does is take away our power. Im so low on energy so caught up in fear. Why am I so afraid of love? I want to run to you then I run away so lost and confused you’re not the only one who needs to be saved. Cleaning up the past my mind erased everything but you I have this image of us burned into my soul I think on some parallel universe we are in love so in love it crosses dimensions and we're forced to feel this passion we have created there me and you have the power to change the world but the hardest part seems to be saving ourselves first.

(SIN DIVINE)

July 2010

ONLY THE BEGINNING

There are times when I cant move on. I wonder why sometimes when did things go wrong? How did it all begin? I cant remember anything these days fiery walls surround my dark cave. Am I worth the save? I wonder why sometimes I bother living I wonder all of this while doing dishes. Is there more to life than this? There has to be more to life than this

I cant remember my name every day is the same a thousand years in chains drag this cigarette to keep me sane I scream for change but it all remains the same.

Does anyone see the way I do. Voices plague me all day long everywhere I go I am never alone. Does anyone know what I know? Can you believe in a world beyond this nightmare where every day is a new day filled with adventure. Instead you spend the lonely nights drinking yourself to death cloud your brain to forget these days you’re just another lost kid searching to find your way. You have to find your way.

(SIN DIVINE)

July 2010

ONLY THE BEGINNING

All alone at the center of the universe my soul is working on overload. I can feel everyone cry all at once. All the ones I love struggle at the end of their road. There is a certain point when life says this is it this is who you are I see my open path and stand tall. Wipe my tears from all my sacrifice all my nights alone with books all those words all that blood and sweat for a worthless paycheck I used to gain the freedom to speak my voice when I want however I want so you bitches say what you want I don’t give a fuck. Don’t call me your friend now cus I remember back then when I was down I was so sad so helpless all I needed was love and a little warmth but all of yall was cold and now I guess I thank everyone for teaching me to be this way I tried to love I tried to care but that got me nowhere.

(SIN DIVINE)

July 2010

ONLY THE BEGINNING

In the center of hell I find direction. Time to leave behind a few things. I don’t need the weight on my shoulders and the monkey on my back is scared of the demon licking my face. Coughing up blood might be an indication to stop will you stop? Could you stop? Find your inner strength and learn to cope. Its time I just let go come to terms with it all. What has taken you so long? Five years have gone a few lines to the head left me brain dead a gunshot paid for with a hard days wage a twenty minute high became the day you died. Can you see yourself lying there helpless alone. Suicide was my thought one cold night on a broken lonely futon I saw a chance for life but I had to take one so I slit my throat with a bag of dope I threw it all away cus none of it was mine I want what’s mine In the center of hell I find direction its time to leave behind a few things.