INTROVERTED INSANITY
(SIN DIVINE)
September 2010
LOVE IS RICH
Some lies are the beginning to something greater sometimes our lies take us somewhere we wouldn’t have gone in that place we find the truth. Im not who I used to be the younger ones are looking up to me I talk about change but I struggle with my own sobriety. Introverted insanity I try to balance good and evil. My sins taught me right and wrong Im always learning from my mistakes. Empty baggies pile up on the floor kind of like the sadness in my soul. My heart was broken a long time ago I let it bleed dry until I turned black and cold. Love doesn’t change when you grow older it gets harder we make something so simple so complicated for years I’ve contemplated alone in silence to try to find a way out of this hell. The sun is the burning fire in my soul. This introverted insanity at times gets the best of me. I cant let the anger consume me. Will I stop all this madness and just be happy
SIMPLE AND DUMB
(SIN DIVINE)
January 2011
LOVE IS RICH
COLD THOUGHT
(SIN DIVINE)
September 2010
LOVE IS RICH
Everybody in the neighborhood knows me they use my name for recognition among their peers in social circles they share stories of things they saw or heard me do but they don’t see me behind the scenes they don’t know the truth. its just me and you. If I could love I would give in even though Im so scared. I think I understand now I don’t have control over anything love is stronger than me but still I push her away. I started drinking before noon again. All alone I feel like me I guess took some pills for breakfast sitting here listening to my greats. These poets are making me think. Im always on the brink of epiphany but Im brain dead from my life as a zombie. I clock in and out every morning I get up even though I tried to commit suicide last night but Im too chicken shit to cut the vein right. They tell me to get through the day they tell me I have so much going on for me and at times I want to punch them all in the face cus they don't know what its like to be cold in the night with thoughts like you’re all alone. That thought will end my life someday and at times I want to punch them all in the face until they’re black and blue then scream fuck you at the end of the night they have someone to keep them warm and I have a cold thought to keep me awake in fright.
LOVE IS RICH
(SIN DIVINE)
January 2011
LOVE IS RICH
He said your eyes emanate a white light he said it was so bright he couldn’t look directly at me. I told him that light was my souls reflection. I am one with everything. So when you look into my eyes you can see the pain and fears of all the ears that listen to me he said is that why you get lonely? Is that why you’re so sad? You have everything that everyone wants but you never smile and I said but I don’t have no one to go home to at the end of the day no one to hold or talk about what went on. I have plenty of glamorous material things but compared to the guy sitting on the floor holding close the one he loves too broke to buy a couch they have more than me love is rich that’s why I feel lonely that’s why im sad what I need is love and what I want gets in the way. I may be number one with all the cash, cars and drugs but I don’t smile cus I sit at home with this light inside of me in a dark room paralyzed in fear. I open my eyes to see I am all alone talking out loud to no one I look in the mirror there is a white light in my eyes.
GIVE ME A REASON
(SIN DIVINE)
July 2005
LOVE IS RICH
I don’t think I will make it through the night too tired to fight to keep my eyes open in case I fall into a concussion from reckless behavior. I don’t think I will survive and I honestly I pray for death I thought that life would be more than hell but I guess they are the same place and now im stuck in limbo. This is it. My life, eternal fiery ignorant bliss without a reason to live I dip the needle in. with no reason to live I keep waking up every morning looking. Can someone give me a reason
FOREVER MINE
(SIN DIVINE)
January 2011
LOVE IS RICH
Im a loner mostly cus Im a weirdo. I never go up to girls I never know when they’re flirting or just being friendly. I look like a handsome man but Im a woman not only that I look like a teenager like I said Im a weirdo. Lesbians think Im a guy so there is no attraction straight girls think Im a guy once I speak they get embarrassed the bi girls like to experiment but Im looking for my wifey and lately Im feeling so lonely.
I’ve been losing a lot of weight Im on a vegan diet my body is looking great. Now all kinds of girls are after me for sex to them Im a playboy not a husband and Im tired of getting used then dumped so I made up this wifey contract the small print says Im completely fucked up Im a crazy bitch I did a lot of drugs as a kid and now I got this twitch. Sometimes I get mad and I scream a lot sometimes I get sad and cry and throw stuff halfway through reading the ladies rip the contract up im like you stupid slut they say whatever asshole then I get angry or suicidal usually both.
Then last month this one girl asked for my number I handed her a piece of paper and said if you sign you are forever mine if you try to leave I wont let you if you sign you enter an agreement with my darkness and blues hell is my home and the devil lives down the road I owe him 40 bucks or my soul. So now that you know...
She took the contract and slit her wrist signed her name in blood and said how’s this? She said I’ve been watching you for some time in my fantasies you are my husband and I am your wife. I’ve been patient for love for so long so tired of getting used by assholes besides Im darker than you and I got the cure for your blues. I said what you think you can make me smile no girl has done that in a while then she slammed me up against the wall and with a kiss she took my soul she slit my wrist then I fell to the floor I signed our name in blood and she said you are forever mine and if you try to leave I will fucking kill you then I smiled.
PORCELAIN DREAM
(SIN DIVINE)
December 2010
LOVE IS RICH
She is my porcelain dream a gift that life has given to me. What did I do to deserve her beauty? I am so lucky she has the ultimate crush on me. When I consider logic and reasoning the odds are against you and me but when I use my heart and my inner sight I know everything about this is right. Like she said time is on our side and life is long lets take each other for a ride. Oh porcelain dream, I carry you with me all day I have a picture of you in my phone and when im alone I stare Im in awe that I actually care I walk this world cold and alone no one to call my own all the bullshit in our doubt will work itself out there’s no reason to be scared. Oh porcelain dream will you be my queen you mean everything to me I don’t ever want to wake up from this when I caress your delicate skin and kiss your luscious lips oh porcelain dream you make my insides scream you mean everything
CHANGING ME
(SIN DIVINE)
January 2011
LOVE IS RICH
I don’t date I fall in love. Touching holding and kissing is rare for me sex I don’t give up so easily. Id rather wait years for a passionate kiss that fucks my world up then some slut that was easy to fuck all I had to do was buy her a beer and compliment her hair. I want a girl who plays hard to get put me through a chase then tells me to wait cus its moving too fast making me dizzy I go crazy but in the end I appreciate everything cus she’s changing me
HER PORTRAIT IN CENTER
(SIN DIVINE)
January 2011
LOVE IS RICH
Im messy with love I color outside the lines. Drawing relationships with a pencil sometimes I get reckless cus I know this eraser will leave no visible trace the art in her face it lingers in my minds eye. Imagine me in a dark empty room sitting in a chair with your portrait perfect in center and I stare I never get up I don’t eat I cant sleep I don’t care. I have this razor blade in one hand and my phone in the other she said she would call but the months have gone she said she needed time but a moment seems like a year I don’t know how much longer I can live without her this love is stronger than me my eyes are burning a hole in her painting burning her soul into me
NO ONE CARES
(SIN DIVINE)
November 2010
LOVE IS RICH
I drew a picture for you today I carved it on my arm with a razor blade. Do you like the color its blood. Don’t worry its not permanent marker just a bit of evidence of this torture a beautiful suture a cutting relief and a new future you wont be there im smiling cus you wont be there even now you don’t fucking care your fascinated as you stare my blood is everywhere but what do you care no one cares they just stare there is a puddle of tears on my bed sheet I finally accept you wanted nothing to do with me sitting here contemplating change I must go back all those years and walk the other way in the depth of desperation and depression I clung to her for survival but its been a long while and I don’t need you now it hurts but somehow Im keeping the emotion down im wiping the tears of you with a tissue then throw it out im so done with you im smiling cus you’re gone im happy now I can rest awhile thinking of you made me so fucking tired Im happy now cus you’re gone.
TINY SPECK IN THE UNIVERSE
(SIN DIVINE)
October 2010
LOVE IS RICH
Im back but this time im gone. She has taken all the love I had left now I have to be cold. Are you ready to find out who I really am? I take it all back. Every poem every song I ever sang every moment I sat waiting wishing wondering every thought every word I take it all back I was stoned when I did all that. My mind was clouded I couldn’t see straight but now I see your true face your ugliness is such a disgrace. Im getting the hell out of this place. When I leave this fantasy I will have nothing left not even a memory of all the desperation the air has finally cleared. I can see the reality of things. I am here. This moment now is all that I am. Alone. I am here writing this pain. I am like everyone else in the world Im just a tiny speck in the universe. I thought I could matter more than the others but in the end we all turn to dust. I will have to learn to let things be. I wanted her but she wanted him I thought I needed her but I needed me. That’s just the way it is.
THIS TIME IM FOR REAL
(SIN DIVINE)
October 2010
LOVE IS RICH
This is it this time Im for real. Im leaving this place Im so scared but I wont give in to the fear. She was just a crutch. Your mind was broken you thought she was medicine but she was a spoonful of lies she was a vicious disease you’re all better now then why do I feel sick to my stomach? The remorse will go away with a little time its so hard leaving the ones you love behind. Get used to leaving in and out of peoples lives. You want what you cant have neglecting what you need blame it on everyone except yourself and like all the other songs this one will sit on the shelf unless you take some responsibility
I didn’t ask for this so why me? It’s the life they want the blood and sweat they want to follow someone who’s been in their footsteps someone strong enough to take on the problems of the world and provide a universal clue we put this all on you cus you got what it takes to make it through. The ones of darkness need you to be the light.
Ok fine. I take the blame. It was me I am the cause of all my misery. Sometimes id rather be left alone cus I know of all the things I have to do I know more that I should. With knowledge comes power and all of this energy in me is taking over. I’ve been taking a closer look at those I once followed and see they cant take me any further and if I want some real change im gonna have to dig up all this dirt. I know it will hurt. I know I said I buried her six feet under but she’s the one that knows how cold the world can be I thought I could make it all go away with a shovel of denial but I was buried alive and I cant die. The pain must live on forever it was the pain that made you stronger it is all that strength that makes you the leader someone like you doesn’t follow
